Yes folks I've taken the plunge, or rather umm IT has taken the plunge... W/we've been thinking about it for a few weeks now and finally yesterday I went shopping and found my very first (and second) anal toys...
Big franchised sex shops are fine; you can wander in, pick something off a shelf without anyone batting an eye, pay for it and leave. They're usually too vanilla to have what you want tho... Small sex shops will have all you need and an awful lot you hope never needing. Problem is that they're small...you constantly feel watched and judged and silly purchases are made thro this stress ("umm I only wondered if you ummm validate parking?")
I blushed so hard talking to the (male, younger) sales asisstent that I'm sure he could see be burning up... Eventually I thought 'fuckkit why am i embarrassed?, sure he works here?!' And got the courage to explain that yes, there are a lot of dildos here but no thanks it's not really my thing but ohh do you've any buttplugs I'd be able to walk around wearing....?? Bless him, he didn't flinch showing me around all the toys and was telly very helpful altogether.
So last night my task was set. Try the plug, don't force it too much, but try it and if you get it in, wear it for 30min.
Ohhh and it was blissful!! A little push, a surprising pop and it was in. I don't know what buttons it pushed and held in on the way but the rush of happy excitement I got from it was amazing. And I had BEGGED to keep it in longer...
Of course i was allowed keep it in. Of course there was a catch (I'm paraphrasing - He called it a 'task') and that was that I had to masturbate to climax before taking it out. No now hang on, it's nit as easy as that!, I've never in my life came with anything in my ass...and now I had to!!!
So two hours later after some of the kinkiest oral from my bestie @Jaspersub I was a wet writhing plugged mess on the bed. For reallys.
The buttplug I had bought wasnt the bigest by far but ohhhhhh I will forever have nothing but fond memories of it!!! And so my training continues. And it's anal FTW!!!!!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
•••
•••
I don’t know how to start this post. I’ve no funny lines and no anecdotes, it just is what it is (sorry).
I’ve always accepted that being in Europe puts me at somewhat of a disadvantage with the United States (and 90% of my Twitter friends) and their timezones. In fact I’ve never been more acutely aware of it then in accepting my true self as a subservient. When i wake up, He’s sleeping. When i’m having lunch, He wakes up and subsequently when i’m going to bed, He’s having dinner.
This morning, while it was the middle of the night in the U.S., i made a god-awful sinful mistake of ‘playing’ with somebody who was A) not my Master and B) not permitted to me by Him to play with. I acted like a complete slut and when things went too far i ran away and hid.
I didn’t tell my Master about this. Infact the only way He found out was by reading my timeline... Needless to say i embarrassed Him to say the least and rightly so, He was raging.
If i had acted like an adult in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. if i had gone to Him and talked to Him about how sad i have been lately. How upset i can be sometimes not being more local and how i (selfishly) sometimes crave something more physical then i can give myself, then maybe this would have been dealt with appropriately and not by my slutty embarrassing actions.
Bottom line; i didn’t talk to Him when i knew i could have. I angered Him and upset myself and now i’m being punished. I don’t even care about the punishment. Thinking about how close i came to actually even maybe losing my Master out of my life ensures that any and every punishment will be tolerated and even smiled through.
New Rule: TALK! About everything. All the time. Just fucking talk...
I don’t know how to start this post. I’ve no funny lines and no anecdotes, it just is what it is (sorry).
I’ve always accepted that being in Europe puts me at somewhat of a disadvantage with the United States (and 90% of my Twitter friends) and their timezones. In fact I’ve never been more acutely aware of it then in accepting my true self as a subservient. When i wake up, He’s sleeping. When i’m having lunch, He wakes up and subsequently when i’m going to bed, He’s having dinner.
This morning, while it was the middle of the night in the U.S., i made a god-awful sinful mistake of ‘playing’ with somebody who was A) not my Master and B) not permitted to me by Him to play with. I acted like a complete slut and when things went too far i ran away and hid.
I didn’t tell my Master about this. Infact the only way He found out was by reading my timeline... Needless to say i embarrassed Him to say the least and rightly so, He was raging.
If i had acted like an adult in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. if i had gone to Him and talked to Him about how sad i have been lately. How upset i can be sometimes not being more local and how i (selfishly) sometimes crave something more physical then i can give myself, then maybe this would have been dealt with appropriately and not by my slutty embarrassing actions.
Bottom line; i didn’t talk to Him when i knew i could have. I angered Him and upset myself and now i’m being punished. I don’t even care about the punishment. Thinking about how close i came to actually even maybe losing my Master out of my life ensures that any and every punishment will be tolerated and even smiled through.
New Rule: TALK! About everything. All the time. Just fucking talk...
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
why stay?
Lost & Found
I hate rollercoasters. Seriously like, all that up and downyness makes me physically nauseous. I don't have a fear of them, I just don't see the advantage of high speed travel sickess as a good 'buzz'....
Emotional buzz tho...that's different. I'm quite apt at these rollercoasters.
If any of you have read my past blogs you'll know I've been fairly down recently though, but as with all downs, there is a soaring high. A blissful, joyous, heartfelt high.
My highs are daily. They're in a though, an idea, a protective watch over me and a powerful, strong, forgiving hug after an earned punishment... The lows may be low but I've never been in danger. I've never feared for safety and I know I never will.
And sure with a rollercoaster this exciting and this knee-trembling how can I deny it?! - it's worth everything to me. Everything.
I hate rollercoasters. Seriously like, all that up and downyness makes me physically nauseous. I don't have a fear of them, I just don't see the advantage of high speed travel sickess as a good 'buzz'....
Emotional buzz tho...that's different. I'm quite apt at these rollercoasters.
If any of you have read my past blogs you'll know I've been fairly down recently though, but as with all downs, there is a soaring high. A blissful, joyous, heartfelt high.
My highs are daily. They're in a though, an idea, a protective watch over me and a powerful, strong, forgiving hug after an earned punishment... The lows may be low but I've never been in danger. I've never feared for safety and I know I never will.
And sure with a rollercoaster this exciting and this knee-trembling how can I deny it?! - it's worth everything to me. Everything.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
it aches
Tonights lesson - doesn't ever matter how hard He will push you, DO NOT BREAK.
...but I did. I was weak and I failed Him. If you've ever heard the words "I'm disappointed" then you'll know there's a feeling that comes with it. The same ache that fractures your heart just that little bit.
No punishmet for failure can match that and none has been given. Almost as if He knew....
I won't get past this. And I'm not supposed to, because if I can't bring this feeling with me to make damn sure it never happens again then I've failed us both.
So tonight I ache. And tomorrow I earn His adoration again....
...but I did. I was weak and I failed Him. If you've ever heard the words "I'm disappointed" then you'll know there's a feeling that comes with it. The same ache that fractures your heart just that little bit.
No punishmet for failure can match that and none has been given. Almost as if He knew....
I won't get past this. And I'm not supposed to, because if I can't bring this feeling with me to make damn sure it never happens again then I've failed us both.
So tonight I ache. And tomorrow I earn His adoration again....
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
His punishment
Sometimes I can get so wrapped up in a new task (my homework) that my daily tasks are left late in the day but never forgotten completely... Ok yeah except this one time. Don't get me wrong, my Master is a good man, so it wasn't like I had forgotten one little thing and He went a bit mad. I *had* been previously warned and what I had forgotten was two full days of a daily journal (no small thing!).
So the punishment was set - a full half hour of painful nipple torture.
'Torture' I've since learned is obviously a polite term for ItsYourOwnFaultAgony. The kind of pain that doesn't upset but just makes you angry. And I was pissed. Within the last 15 mins of the torture I had cursed a blue streak thro Him for making me do it, thro me for deserving it, and thro it for hurting me.
The anger with all three of us lasted after the bands came off too and I told Him that. I didn't know why i was still angry - i. just. Was. He understood too, gave me time to sulk before allowing me curl up on His lap in His arms.
When He kissed my forehead I knew I was still His girl. His arms protective enough to rock me to sleep, strong enough to remind me never disobey Him again.
Sometimes I can get so wrapped up in a new task (my homework) that my daily tasks are left late in the day but never forgotten completely... Ok yeah except this one time. Don't get me wrong, my Master is a good man, so it wasn't like I had forgotten one little thing and He went a bit mad. I *had* been previously warned and what I had forgotten was two full days of a daily journal (no small thing!).
So the punishment was set - a full half hour of painful nipple torture.
'Torture' I've since learned is obviously a polite term for ItsYourOwnFaultAgony. The kind of pain that doesn't upset but just makes you angry. And I was pissed. Within the last 15 mins of the torture I had cursed a blue streak thro Him for making me do it, thro me for deserving it, and thro it for hurting me.
The anger with all three of us lasted after the bands came off too and I told Him that. I didn't know why i was still angry - i. just. Was. He understood too, gave me time to sulk before allowing me curl up on His lap in His arms.
When He kissed my forehead I knew I was still His girl. His arms protective enough to rock me to sleep, strong enough to remind me never disobey Him again.
Monday, November 29, 2010
in His service
in His service
It's our first meet. My every movement feeling and thought has been consumed by Him for months before this. And now here I am, sporting the most plastic of smiles as I walk nervously thro the hotel lobby. A nameless receptionist greets me and as my bag is taken to the room I'm told He has requested I meet Him in the bar.
Smoothing my skirt with damp hands I walk taking deep breaths into the empty bar. My heart plunges thro my stomach after the spinning build up thinking He was here. I sit and order a stiff drink. Raising the glass to my lips I don't have to look up to feel His eyes on me. His whole presence fills the small room.
A tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. He tells me how beautiful I look and as I shakily sip my drink He laughs at my butterflies... He orders another drink and I watch Him walk to the bar smiling - honestly, why I was so worried?! - we catch up like old lovers -pleasent conversation, electric touches and the ever-present sexual throb... "I'm glad you have returned my property to me little girl" He growls against my ear making my legs weak "...and in such fine condition!" slowly stroking two fingers across the curve of my breast... I barely have time to slow my heart rate before He takes me by the elbow and leads me out...
Any nerves I had before are gone, His hand firmly on my back as we walk is both possessive and calming... Suddenly feeling it move to the back of my neck, tightening a little makes my heart pound.
The lights are off in the room. "Strip" is all I hear, my fingers fumbling at buttons, trying to untie, "girl you know not to make Me wait!" i hear a rip and my skirt falls to the floor, His hands on my shoulders pushing me forward against the bed. "girl you know what happens now..." i quickly spread my legs and bend over as His hand comes down hard across my skin. I yelp squirming "girl I am still your Master and you will do well to remember that" y...yes Sir I mumble "now kneel slut, and open that mouth wide"......
I've sucked cock before. The practice that I've had before now was limited and did NOT prepare me to please my Master. Being able to lick and suck cock was always a personal favourite act of mine, leaving me with a lot of freedom and oral playtime. That wasn't tonight. Tonight my tongue was redundant and my mouth used as a fuck hole till I was left sobbing, weak and licking hot sticky cum from my chin.
Wordlessly He picks me up cradling me on the chair "you did well little one. it's early yet but you did well..." i smile content in His praise as my eyes droop sleepily....
Early next morning I wake up smiling, the sun streams thro the room as i move to stretch....I try to and can't. My ankle is chained to the bottom bedpost. I panic, call His name, pulling on my ankle chain "ahhh you've woken up girl, and not before time!" He emerges from the en suite wearing just a towel and my clit involuntary twitches...
Good morning Master, I smile weakly, moving to sit up. I gesture jokingly to the chain; I'm not going to run away Master!! In a flash His smile changes to a snarl and His fingers grab my throat "you are chained because it is YOUR PLACE girl not because it is My whim..." I gasp choking I'm sorry I'm so sorry "I know you are girl, and you'll behave now" He warns, fastening nipple clamps to my breasts "or these will not come off until I leave. Now do you understand that this is not a punishment girl? Your self discpline training has fallen by the wayside, these are a small reminder to you..."
I nod slowly biting my lip feeling them pinch my sensitive nipple tips... My skin prickles having Him so close to me, I lean towards Him kissing Him hard, His tongue darting and teasing against mine. The kiss grows hotter, I bite His lip urging Him for more as He pushes me against the bed, parting my legs, grinding against my naked pussy till i groan arching my back... His hands grip my ass pulling me against His cock harder and harder till I can't take anymore; please ohhhh Sir please take me... He laughs a deep throaty laugh and I feel a sharp pressure against my ass hole. A small silver buttplug.
"Now girl, we are spending the day in public. You WILL act appropriatly, you will NOT remove anything I have given you, and you will remember at all times, you are My property" I smile. I'm beaming infact...His property...His...
Downstairs a taxi is called, and as I sit uncomfortably in loose cotton, He talks quite matter-of-factly on the phone advising the caller of our plans. A table booking, at one of the most popular bars in the city. My nerves must have shown, He stands stroking my hair, leaning lower to whisper "make me proud girl, and remember your place". With that my mind is made up - beyond all worry, beyond any personal concern, this is His wish and my duty to fufill it.
I don't remember the decor, the bar or it's staff . My mind was fixed on being at a small table at the back, surrounded by suited men and their stunningly hot partners. His hand resting on my arm, both in possessive security and control, I'm sure, to stop me drinking too much wine. I was going to remember this night. He'd make sure of that.
By my second glass my mind spins. My nipple clamps are pinching me into an arched posture. He's talking to somebody. His back to me, He can't see my discomfort, the obvious pain.. Eventually the stranger leaves and He turns to me "ohh baby girl, go!, go remove them!, if it's too much then remove them. Come back smiling to Me" I don't hesitate. Loud moaning from my bathroom cubical cause several strange looks from other women... I return to His table lacing my arm thro His and whisper thank you Master thank you! He picks up His drink, downs it in one breath and leads me to the door... "girl I will never push you beyond what you know you can take. You have to trust that. Now get into the car..."
Back at the hotel room I strip automatically, twirling slowly smiling at Him. His obvious appreciation doesn't go unnoticed and as He comes closer I can't help but catch my breath in lust. Butterfly kisses on my neck make me purr, relaxing me against His hard chest, His hands trailing down to my hips and across my stomach, I bite my lip, His nails drag back against my hips, gripping, spinning me to face Him.
Holding my face in both hands He walks me against the wall leaning against me, taking my breath from me in a kiss fingers digging my skin... Hooking my leg over His arm, He pushes deep into me impaling me with one thrust. My nails dragging against His back, I cling to Him. "Dont you make a sound girl, and don't you dare cum" slamming me into the wall, bruising me, using me purely His pleasure, His fuck hole. My climax, if allowed, is not His concern. His hand over my mouth, His body pounding into my weakened frame till He shudders spewing hot cum deep inside me. He pulls out, suddenly letting me go, I slide to the floor out of breath.
"that was....satisfactory girl. Now stand, your Master has a gift for His pet" my heart leaps and I stand shakily watching Him open a small velvet box. He pulls out three silver chains in different lengths with three small silver locks on each. One around my neck, the longest around my waist, and the smallest around my ankle.
"Now you are truely Mine girl in everything you do and everywhere you go." I can't help but smile. The past months, my life, was all for this. Everything I am and want to be is for Him.
"Dont you cry girl, your real training starts now...." And I can't help but smile.
It's our first meet. My every movement feeling and thought has been consumed by Him for months before this. And now here I am, sporting the most plastic of smiles as I walk nervously thro the hotel lobby. A nameless receptionist greets me and as my bag is taken to the room I'm told He has requested I meet Him in the bar.
Smoothing my skirt with damp hands I walk taking deep breaths into the empty bar. My heart plunges thro my stomach after the spinning build up thinking He was here. I sit and order a stiff drink. Raising the glass to my lips I don't have to look up to feel His eyes on me. His whole presence fills the small room.
A tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. He tells me how beautiful I look and as I shakily sip my drink He laughs at my butterflies... He orders another drink and I watch Him walk to the bar smiling - honestly, why I was so worried?! - we catch up like old lovers -pleasent conversation, electric touches and the ever-present sexual throb... "I'm glad you have returned my property to me little girl" He growls against my ear making my legs weak "...and in such fine condition!" slowly stroking two fingers across the curve of my breast... I barely have time to slow my heart rate before He takes me by the elbow and leads me out...
Any nerves I had before are gone, His hand firmly on my back as we walk is both possessive and calming... Suddenly feeling it move to the back of my neck, tightening a little makes my heart pound.
The lights are off in the room. "Strip" is all I hear, my fingers fumbling at buttons, trying to untie, "girl you know not to make Me wait!" i hear a rip and my skirt falls to the floor, His hands on my shoulders pushing me forward against the bed. "girl you know what happens now..." i quickly spread my legs and bend over as His hand comes down hard across my skin. I yelp squirming "girl I am still your Master and you will do well to remember that" y...yes Sir I mumble "now kneel slut, and open that mouth wide"......
I've sucked cock before. The practice that I've had before now was limited and did NOT prepare me to please my Master. Being able to lick and suck cock was always a personal favourite act of mine, leaving me with a lot of freedom and oral playtime. That wasn't tonight. Tonight my tongue was redundant and my mouth used as a fuck hole till I was left sobbing, weak and licking hot sticky cum from my chin.
Wordlessly He picks me up cradling me on the chair "you did well little one. it's early yet but you did well..." i smile content in His praise as my eyes droop sleepily....
Early next morning I wake up smiling, the sun streams thro the room as i move to stretch....I try to and can't. My ankle is chained to the bottom bedpost. I panic, call His name, pulling on my ankle chain "ahhh you've woken up girl, and not before time!" He emerges from the en suite wearing just a towel and my clit involuntary twitches...
Good morning Master, I smile weakly, moving to sit up. I gesture jokingly to the chain; I'm not going to run away Master!! In a flash His smile changes to a snarl and His fingers grab my throat "you are chained because it is YOUR PLACE girl not because it is My whim..." I gasp choking I'm sorry I'm so sorry "I know you are girl, and you'll behave now" He warns, fastening nipple clamps to my breasts "or these will not come off until I leave. Now do you understand that this is not a punishment girl? Your self discpline training has fallen by the wayside, these are a small reminder to you..."
I nod slowly biting my lip feeling them pinch my sensitive nipple tips... My skin prickles having Him so close to me, I lean towards Him kissing Him hard, His tongue darting and teasing against mine. The kiss grows hotter, I bite His lip urging Him for more as He pushes me against the bed, parting my legs, grinding against my naked pussy till i groan arching my back... His hands grip my ass pulling me against His cock harder and harder till I can't take anymore; please ohhhh Sir please take me... He laughs a deep throaty laugh and I feel a sharp pressure against my ass hole. A small silver buttplug.
"Now girl, we are spending the day in public. You WILL act appropriatly, you will NOT remove anything I have given you, and you will remember at all times, you are My property" I smile. I'm beaming infact...His property...His...
Downstairs a taxi is called, and as I sit uncomfortably in loose cotton, He talks quite matter-of-factly on the phone advising the caller of our plans. A table booking, at one of the most popular bars in the city. My nerves must have shown, He stands stroking my hair, leaning lower to whisper "make me proud girl, and remember your place". With that my mind is made up - beyond all worry, beyond any personal concern, this is His wish and my duty to fufill it.
I don't remember the decor, the bar or it's staff . My mind was fixed on being at a small table at the back, surrounded by suited men and their stunningly hot partners. His hand resting on my arm, both in possessive security and control, I'm sure, to stop me drinking too much wine. I was going to remember this night. He'd make sure of that.
By my second glass my mind spins. My nipple clamps are pinching me into an arched posture. He's talking to somebody. His back to me, He can't see my discomfort, the obvious pain.. Eventually the stranger leaves and He turns to me "ohh baby girl, go!, go remove them!, if it's too much then remove them. Come back smiling to Me" I don't hesitate. Loud moaning from my bathroom cubical cause several strange looks from other women... I return to His table lacing my arm thro His and whisper thank you Master thank you! He picks up His drink, downs it in one breath and leads me to the door... "girl I will never push you beyond what you know you can take. You have to trust that. Now get into the car..."
Back at the hotel room I strip automatically, twirling slowly smiling at Him. His obvious appreciation doesn't go unnoticed and as He comes closer I can't help but catch my breath in lust. Butterfly kisses on my neck make me purr, relaxing me against His hard chest, His hands trailing down to my hips and across my stomach, I bite my lip, His nails drag back against my hips, gripping, spinning me to face Him.
Holding my face in both hands He walks me against the wall leaning against me, taking my breath from me in a kiss fingers digging my skin... Hooking my leg over His arm, He pushes deep into me impaling me with one thrust. My nails dragging against His back, I cling to Him. "Dont you make a sound girl, and don't you dare cum" slamming me into the wall, bruising me, using me purely His pleasure, His fuck hole. My climax, if allowed, is not His concern. His hand over my mouth, His body pounding into my weakened frame till He shudders spewing hot cum deep inside me. He pulls out, suddenly letting me go, I slide to the floor out of breath.
"that was....satisfactory girl. Now stand, your Master has a gift for His pet" my heart leaps and I stand shakily watching Him open a small velvet box. He pulls out three silver chains in different lengths with three small silver locks on each. One around my neck, the longest around my waist, and the smallest around my ankle.
"Now you are truely Mine girl in everything you do and everywhere you go." I can't help but smile. The past months, my life, was all for this. Everything I am and want to be is for Him.
"Dont you cry girl, your real training starts now...." And I can't help but smile.
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