In my own experience, Dom(me)s that can inspire an immediate desire in me to submit are very rare, but such scarcity is counteracted with the absolute gall of the ones that I unfortunately am contacted by. My latest offering of one such Uber-Dom came in the shape of a random FetLife email I received. Here's how that went......
Him: "Your master is lucky... wish i can operate you online...."
Me: "operate" me? I don't know what this means............"
Him: "well its "Owned and operated". When a Dom owns a Sub he operates it. Its to reduce a Sub to
something less then a human being or consider him or her as a machine or utility to be operated.
It needs to be said that this reply genuinely upset and frightened me that this man *could* be serious.... Now don't get me wrong, I am VERY aware of the role I chose in the BDSM lifestyle, but for anybody to assume that I am here for general servitude or to be so broken down as to lose all sense of self and becomes this "machine" is MASSIVELY insulting to me never mind hurtful.
I was stunned after reading that. I honestly didn't know whether to take him seriously or not and so I told my own Master of what was happening and how I felt. I still hadn't replied to the email though. I just didn't know how to.......yet. The next morning however after an early wake-up call I was greeted with:
Him: "so what do u think of the Idea of being operated by a stranger dom?"
(Note: I hadn't yet had a cup of tea, I hadn't been given chance to regain full consciousness but I HAD lost all my patience with him and his type...!!!)
Me: "Firstly, if you had taken a few seconds to read my profile you'd know I am already owned by another. Making
your desire to "operate" me a moot point.
Secondly, I find your idea of 'reducing' a bottom/sub till they are nothing but a machine for your use, LAUGHABLE
at best. Your need for removing consent by damaging someone till they no longer think for themselves is a genuine
concern. Maybe through consent you haven't been able to find a play partner and this is a solution? Maybe...
You will never "operate" me. Nor will you ever have such a chance with any bottom/sub in my network.
I wish you luck in your future endeavours ..... as far away from me as possible.
Never yours, rainy."
Hmmmm I haven't gotten a reply to that one (yet?!). Though I have been advised that such a personality may retaliate with abuse and / or bragging about other bottoms/subs that are only too happy to fall in line. (Scary thought huh...) Part of me got a little fired up by standing up to him, that's the part that is waiting on a reply so I can have another rant LOL
Interesting Note: ALL my Uber-Dom contacts have started with "your Master is lucky / a lucky man..." etc, and while that is a nice compliment to us both, its hardly directed at me is it?? A direct compliment would have gone a lot further.............
So.... I guess this blog is just my way of giving a heads-up to everyone (especially to bottoms / subs) - without us, there would be no Doms. Never let a anyone talk to you or treat you with disrespect or distane on first contact!!! Agreed play-partners however (with bounderies / rules) now that's different.....
So come on - lets out all these fools so no 'innocent' gets pulled into a scary situation with them.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
HotDog Machine
As some of you may already know from my FetLife account that I am lucky enough to not only have a fantastic Sir but I also have a TaskMaster who assigns me great tasks to complete for Him every so often... Pics of past tasks are already on FL and this one is no different.
Actually scrap that - this is WAY different lol!! Here's my latest task;
"Cook a hotdog, let it cool to body temperature, stuff it in your ass. Fill your ass with a ketchup squeeze bottle and then squeeze the hotdog out through the ketchup and into a bun. The hotdog should be nicely smeared with ketchup and then bon appetit"
Actually scrap that - this is WAY different lol!! Here's my latest task;
"Cook a hotdog, let it cool to body temperature, stuff it in your ass. Fill your ass with a ketchup squeeze bottle and then squeeze the hotdog out through the ketchup and into a bun. The hotdog should be nicely smeared with ketchup and then bon appetit"
As you can see it wasn't the easiest and to date, certainly the messiest task I've been given LOL. The pictures above are from my first attempt while *also* stopping to take the pics each step of the way... I knew it wasn't perfect but nothing short of a ketchup enema would have been (and no, that was NOT an option unless completely last resort!) Pictures taken, including of my eating said hotdog were sent to TaskMaster and I wanted patiently for a reply. Well, patiently and with a feint smell of tomatoes and smoked sausage meat (was it just me or was this stuff just NOT washing off?!?!)
Reply received - pictures were good! Now, rainy, you're not finished yet - lets try TWO hotdogs this time - same task but double stuffed, as such...
This was fun! I had gotten used to the feeling, the coolness (as in cold not as in trendy!) and the waft of ketchup, surely two hotdogs would be a breeze no? No........
Two hotdogs... No problem... Careful not to move too much though!, they're not terribly robust for meat products... Careful!!!!!
A slight twist, one small movement too many and one of the hotdogs broke; half of it to the floor, the other half still where I had pushed it minutes beforehand.
Its ok you can laugh. Both my Master and my TaskMaster did! Needless to say, I completed the parts of the task that I could at that point and still with the half-hotdog inside me, sent pics to TM and told Him what had happened, awaiting further instruction (and if I'm honest; reassurance that I don't need hospitalisation)...
Good news came quickly in reply to my latest attempts - my task was completed to the satisfaction of my TaskMaster and he had indeed assured me that my body will predictably right itself in due course.
It was a great task, it was a strange task and certainly one I would have no reservations about completing again now that I've been through it once (though I would maybe me quite cautious about "double stuffing" anything again!)
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Sub-Drop
Firstly, I think, my view and experience of "sub-drop" was from the very few times I had experienced it, had all materialised the same way and I had definately made the mistake of thinking that how I had experienced it was the only way it would EVER be for me. I had thought that once I had learned to accept it and deal properly with it, then I was home-free for any playing that I or my Owner wanted for me. WRONG. Umm yeah like really wrong.
This last month, more then any other, Has stretched me emotionally and mentally further then i've ever been and this is a short blog about the ups and downs of the specific task of cutting.
I've recently started cutting again and at first it didnt really have either the buzz of a high or a drop of the low for me. Saying that though, it only took days to start feeling happily dizzy / floaty from the release of pain cutting was giving me and was fortunate enough to scrape by with minimal "feeling very subby" drops from it afterwards. The cuts continued, deeper now, hurting longer but also making me float longer mentally. The drop though seemed stronger - moving from feeling subby to being actually really very low and almost too depressed / scared to move too far from my Owners radar or to openly want to talk / be with anybody else.
For the most part though, there was never very long between feeling like this and being allowed climb into bed for the night and sleep the worst of it off.
Unfortunately with my most recent cuts, nothing of what I thought was "the norm" came to be true at all. The light-headedness from cutting was increased to the point of my physically melting, with not one but three hard glass-plug anally orientated orgasms. The first one had left me almost hyper. The second hadn't lasted long but was intense enough to make me cry and after that, the rest went very quickly down hill for my emotional and mental state. The third orgasm was forced through tears and was more mechanically done then enjoyed the way it should have been. I was just so upset.
For the first time in a long time, I genuinelly could not pin-point where the sudden sadness had come from or why. At this time too, I was online and watching a D/s Q&A on my time-line that I very soon realised I didnt know any of the answers to. This upset me SO much. I honestly felt like the questions being asked were obvious things I should know as a slave and that the fact I couldn't answer them was putting my personal safety at risk. this scared me. Being this scared upset me more. It went as far as my suggestion to my Owner that it really was alright to NOT loan me out to anyone any more because of it and the kicker is that even now, I still think what I was feeling then was right, that I had a point and that even though I wasn't in my completely rational mental state, what I was trying to express was right.
Even now I think "Yeah it was crazy but I *did* hav a point... Didnt I?!"
I was sent to bed to sleep soon after that. I dont blame my Owner for that decision either - He knew what was happening immediately even when I still didn't. This morning I woke up almost "normal". Sore, from the cuts, but not introverted or especially subby. And yes, I still think that the points I was making still apply, but the upset of them and the paranoid over-analysis of my submissiveness was definitely new and very scarey. Its a whole new "drop" for me and not one that I want to go through again soon.
Sub-dropping isn't only about feeling a sadness and loss for the emotional, physical and mental climax that playing has caused. It changes as much as the reasons for the sub-high. Even typing that has made me shiver thinking how much I don't want to be dropping again. Fact is though; there is NO drop worth the sacrifice of the high that caused it or how proud I've made my Owner by the task I completed to get there.
((PICS: most recent cuts))
This last month, more then any other, Has stretched me emotionally and mentally further then i've ever been and this is a short blog about the ups and downs of the specific task of cutting.
I've recently started cutting again and at first it didnt really have either the buzz of a high or a drop of the low for me. Saying that though, it only took days to start feeling happily dizzy / floaty from the release of pain cutting was giving me and was fortunate enough to scrape by with minimal "feeling very subby" drops from it afterwards. The cuts continued, deeper now, hurting longer but also making me float longer mentally. The drop though seemed stronger - moving from feeling subby to being actually really very low and almost too depressed / scared to move too far from my Owners radar or to openly want to talk / be with anybody else.
For the most part though, there was never very long between feeling like this and being allowed climb into bed for the night and sleep the worst of it off.
Unfortunately with my most recent cuts, nothing of what I thought was "the norm" came to be true at all. The light-headedness from cutting was increased to the point of my physically melting, with not one but three hard glass-plug anally orientated orgasms. The first one had left me almost hyper. The second hadn't lasted long but was intense enough to make me cry and after that, the rest went very quickly down hill for my emotional and mental state. The third orgasm was forced through tears and was more mechanically done then enjoyed the way it should have been. I was just so upset.
For the first time in a long time, I genuinelly could not pin-point where the sudden sadness had come from or why. At this time too, I was online and watching a D/s Q&A on my time-line that I very soon realised I didnt know any of the answers to. This upset me SO much. I honestly felt like the questions being asked were obvious things I should know as a slave and that the fact I couldn't answer them was putting my personal safety at risk. this scared me. Being this scared upset me more. It went as far as my suggestion to my Owner that it really was alright to NOT loan me out to anyone any more because of it and the kicker is that even now, I still think what I was feeling then was right, that I had a point and that even though I wasn't in my completely rational mental state, what I was trying to express was right.
Even now I think "Yeah it was crazy but I *did* hav a point... Didnt I?!"
I was sent to bed to sleep soon after that. I dont blame my Owner for that decision either - He knew what was happening immediately even when I still didn't. This morning I woke up almost "normal". Sore, from the cuts, but not introverted or especially subby. And yes, I still think that the points I was making still apply, but the upset of them and the paranoid over-analysis of my submissiveness was definitely new and very scarey. Its a whole new "drop" for me and not one that I want to go through again soon.
Sub-dropping isn't only about feeling a sadness and loss for the emotional, physical and mental climax that playing has caused. It changes as much as the reasons for the sub-high. Even typing that has made me shiver thinking how much I don't want to be dropping again. Fact is though; there is NO drop worth the sacrifice of the high that caused it or how proud I've made my Owner by the task I completed to get there.
((PICS: most recent cuts))
Sunday, June 5, 2011
First Dates
I'm glad I had arrived early. It gave me time to take a breath and reminisce in a dark metal music bar that I haven't been to in years, and funnily enough, was with the same date then too.
Deep breath. Omg he hasn't changes at all! Mmm hello Sir...
At first it's just like old times, and I know it shouldn't be, I'm a different person now. I'm owned and not by him. He's a Dom and had never seen the real slave me... It'll be different for us both. Conversation flowed easily and I caught him smiling at me occasionally. I knew well he was thinking about my locked cunt and all the things I could do under his control. I smiled sweetly, handed him a key to the lock and thanked him again on my Masters behalf for wanting to use me, before sitting legs apart, knowing how much he wanted to see it, touch it and couldn't here at the bar...
This made me laugh and further conversations, though dotted with kisses and touching, brought out my cheeky side - I'd had no idea what this would mean for me or how dearly I'd pay till we got back to his flat later. While in the taxi on the way there he made no issue with openly looking for and finding my lock too....
Deep breath. Omg he hasn't changes at all! Mmm hello Sir...
At first it's just like old times, and I know it shouldn't be, I'm a different person now. I'm owned and not by him. He's a Dom and had never seen the real slave me... It'll be different for us both. Conversation flowed easily and I caught him smiling at me occasionally. I knew well he was thinking about my locked cunt and all the things I could do under his control. I smiled sweetly, handed him a key to the lock and thanked him again on my Masters behalf for wanting to use me, before sitting legs apart, knowing how much he wanted to see it, touch it and couldn't here at the bar...
This made me laugh and further conversations, though dotted with kisses and touching, brought out my cheeky side - I'd had no idea what this would mean for me or how dearly I'd pay till we got back to his flat later. While in the taxi on the way there he made no issue with openly looking for and finding my lock too....
Back at the apartment after music was played and I felt a little more relaxed, as he kissed me I saw a flash in his eye that I had never seen before "So i have your key and you're back home with me...You are mine now to abuse as I see fit aren't you" I physically shivered. After a long deep kiss, he moved to stand behind me demanding I strip while he sat for what felt like the longest time, just looking, smiling, and eventually taking the first of many pictures.
My first duty was dropping to my knees to lick and suck him hard.. Pulling at my hair he pushed deeper and with more force then I think I was prepared for and I started choking and gagging on his thick cock. Pulling me to my feet, he then sat me on his kitchen counter and pushed me backwards to lie down across it and as he stood over my head he pushed harder and faster again down my throat. I was still choking and still gagging but I had never been so turned on or wet in my life so without thinking, I moved to finger myself through my piercings and lock. This turned him on even more to watch and as he beat my face with his hot wet cock more pictures were taken...
After some time though I think he must have remembered my earlier lip at the bar because he pulled me up again and growled at me to bend over the counter and not to dare move. His hand came down hard and fast dozens of times until I was jumping yelping with each blow and begging / bartering for forgiveness. Pulling my hair back hard he reminded me how I deserved this. How I've had this coming for a long time now and I deserved this. My head hit the counter again and he warned me not to move from that position as he left the room. He soon came back and without letting me see what he was holding, quickly tied my arms behind my back and as i squirmed, he slammed a leather tawse on the counter beside my face. I think then I stopped breathing. I didn't scream or cry out - I was too afraid to! Picking it up again he wasted no time using it on me, the first few hits making me physically lurch off the counter top so much that he pinned me by the hair back down and kept going... Looking back on it now I still think I "wussed out" and soon after during my floods of tears he picked me up and held me.
Cleaned up, a little more relaxed and very sore, he lead me to his bedroom and sat me in the very centre against the head rails and quickly tied both arms against the top rail from elbow to wrist, and again, admired his handy work for a while, taking pics and smiling the whole time... Various positions were requested and I complied whole-heartily and before I knew it, my ankles were tied too and he was sitting in front of me closely admiring my piercings and lock. Admiration became touching and after carefully unlocking and removing the padlock, touching became fingering and fingering soon made me gasp for more... A small vibrator was retrieved and while my ass was stretched with his fingers, it was pressed against my clit and two orgasms later I was a puddle of goo.
Curling up beside him in the bed later, a taxi was arranged for me to leave and literally minutes before it had arrived, I was being pulled over again to put my mouth and tongue to good use. It was beyond horny and I swallowed hard. What had started out as fingering me afterwards had soon turned into a VERY intense orgasm of watching his fingers play me through big mirrors in his room... I couldn't take any more!! Breathing hard I begged him to fuck me before I had to leave and he did not hesitate or disappoint. Amazing hard fast heavy sex followed and minutes later, the phone rings and my taxi awaits...
All in all it was amazing, unexpectedly great and definitely something I would like to be allowed do again. I know my Owner is pleased by my enjoyment last night which is really the greatest news I could have ever been told.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Anal Adventures
After recently remiscing with my Master about how far I've come both as His slave in being His little anal-slut and how, in the beginning, I had told Him that having anything in my ass at all is guarenteed to NOT make me cum. Not even a little. In the beginning this was true. And now?, Well if course I can cum during anal play, but its also my PREFERENCE.
I was asked to document exactly that. Well, it has only been 6 months after all (yeah, no joke!)
I absolutely completely remember everything about the day i got my first beads and plug. I remember the morning I took off into the city to shop and how shy and intimidated (and shockingly embarrassed) I had felt walking into the kink shop.How half of what I saw there could even FIT into someones arse was beyond me. 'People are mad' I thought... Mad!! I had also (mortifyingly) enlisted the help of the shop assistant, even though I couldnt look him in the eye the whole time, to help with my first one. And bless him but he was so kind!! Showed me a range of short small plugs to chose from and after picking one and a similar small set of beads i was happily sent on my way.
My mind on the way home was still reeling from the monserous ones I had seen previously and I was really very happy with my little 3" long and 0.5" purchase. That night I was instructed - to begin with - to wear it for half an hour to get the feel of it... I still remember that too. I got such a fit of the giggles wearing it that I didnt want to take it out! Felt so naughty too... Each night I was allowed wear it for a little longer each time while sitting, walking and generally moving around with it and it was only a matter of weeks after that when I had started getting royally pissed at my little plug for rudely pushing out when I was trying to walk more and move more with it in. A new plug was a must. In the meantime I was given more and more tasks in using my beads, even leaving the house with them!! What a very smiley short walk that was!! It all added to my 'dirty little secret' personal view on anal play and I loved it. Beads never slipped and movement makes me twitch against them - a constant reminder of my Master throughout my day (a.k.a my perfection). I LOVE my beads!
Now that I had grown acustomed to my plug, and while I was still being given daily tasks to use it with, I was also told to work on playing with it, or playing while inserting it, something, anything to grow and develop the association of climaxing with it pushing inside me... This wasn't easy to develop, i can tell you! Once it was established though it was hard to shake off... Anything I was requested to use anally automatically brought me back to wanting to get off with it... Great!!
Word of my new anal adventures spread faster then my legs ever could and soon there was a special request from a new Dom to use me periodically for tasks as He sees fit. He too love my anal play and is, even now, encouraging me and training me up for more use and abuse. I've since used vegetables, drink containers and bacon grease as lube under His direction (pics of all of these are on my FetLife account). I am a VERY fortunate little slave to have these tasks and I only hope I can continue to please both my Task Master and my Sir in completing them.
Who knows what my future holds. If my past is an indication then there will be a LOT more playtime and new experiences coming soon that I cant begin to summerise my excitement for.......
I was asked to document exactly that. Well, it has only been 6 months after all (yeah, no joke!)
I absolutely completely remember everything about the day i got my first beads and plug. I remember the morning I took off into the city to shop and how shy and intimidated (and shockingly embarrassed) I had felt walking into the kink shop.How half of what I saw there could even FIT into someones arse was beyond me. 'People are mad' I thought... Mad!! I had also (mortifyingly) enlisted the help of the shop assistant, even though I couldnt look him in the eye the whole time, to help with my first one. And bless him but he was so kind!! Showed me a range of short small plugs to chose from and after picking one and a similar small set of beads i was happily sent on my way.
My mind on the way home was still reeling from the monserous ones I had seen previously and I was really very happy with my little 3" long and 0.5" purchase. That night I was instructed - to begin with - to wear it for half an hour to get the feel of it... I still remember that too. I got such a fit of the giggles wearing it that I didnt want to take it out! Felt so naughty too... Each night I was allowed wear it for a little longer each time while sitting, walking and generally moving around with it and it was only a matter of weeks after that when I had started getting royally pissed at my little plug for rudely pushing out when I was trying to walk more and move more with it in. A new plug was a must. In the meantime I was given more and more tasks in using my beads, even leaving the house with them!! What a very smiley short walk that was!! It all added to my 'dirty little secret' personal view on anal play and I loved it. Beads never slipped and movement makes me twitch against them - a constant reminder of my Master throughout my day (a.k.a my perfection). I LOVE my beads!
Now that I had grown acustomed to my plug, and while I was still being given daily tasks to use it with, I was also told to work on playing with it, or playing while inserting it, something, anything to grow and develop the association of climaxing with it pushing inside me... This wasn't easy to develop, i can tell you! Once it was established though it was hard to shake off... Anything I was requested to use anally automatically brought me back to wanting to get off with it... Great!!
Word of my new anal adventures spread faster then my legs ever could and soon there was a special request from a new Dom to use me periodically for tasks as He sees fit. He too love my anal play and is, even now, encouraging me and training me up for more use and abuse. I've since used vegetables, drink containers and bacon grease as lube under His direction (pics of all of these are on my FetLife account). I am a VERY fortunate little slave to have these tasks and I only hope I can continue to please both my Task Master and my Sir in completing them.
Who knows what my future holds. If my past is an indication then there will be a LOT more playtime and new experiences coming soon that I cant begin to summerise my excitement for.......
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS!! THIS IS A MISTAKE!!
A task has come up recently that has been proven, in its own way, hard on both myself and my Master (strange but true). Here is how this turn of emotional events came about.
It started as a suggestion that I made for something new that I could do but as it drew closer to becoming real I had a complete change of heart and mind for many reasons against doing it. Of course I had told Master this, I told him all my reasons even though the main one was heart wrenching for me to admit to and had upset me greatly in acknowledging it. It was horrible. I can still feel it even thinking about it. I still remember how determined I was to NOT want this task that even now based on just these memories alone I still want to scream DONT MAKE ME DO THIS!! THIS IS A MISTAKE!! No decision was made and I was already mentally thinking of how I could get out of doing it. My "go to" excuse always being the baby, I'd make up something about having to deal with the baby and not havking time for the task. I honestly thought of everything.
Master had a lot on His plate. He knew the full task AND how I felt about it. It took him days to weigh them against one another and in the end He had decided what He knew to be best for me. What was best wasn't what I wanted. What was best was to obey. I cried so much when He told me. I wanted to tell Him He made the wrong decision. He was actually WRONG by doing this and to go back and think about it again. I knew it hurt Him but He had to. Its part - a bad but necessary part - of being a great Master.
So the task came to pass. I didnt, in the end, have the nerve to lie to Him about the baby (and even if I did - it wouldn't last long - the guilt would kill me). I was nervous starting and *may* have needed dutch courage but the one thought that kept me going through it is that i knew what He expected of me in vague terms and I knew how to fill in the rest. It was my duty to. As His slave and in my own mind i knew nothing less was acecptable.
Master knows all. Master knows me.
That task was one of the best things i've ever done for both my personal growth and my understanding of my role for Master. And I had fun doing it. So much infact that it may even feature again in my future. And again. And again.
Master knows all. Master knows me. Its (still) down on me to believe in that deep down when my knee-jerk reaction is to question Him again but i'm getting there... I'm definately getting there...
It started as a suggestion that I made for something new that I could do but as it drew closer to becoming real I had a complete change of heart and mind for many reasons against doing it. Of course I had told Master this, I told him all my reasons even though the main one was heart wrenching for me to admit to and had upset me greatly in acknowledging it. It was horrible. I can still feel it even thinking about it. I still remember how determined I was to NOT want this task that even now based on just these memories alone I still want to scream DONT MAKE ME DO THIS!! THIS IS A MISTAKE!! No decision was made and I was already mentally thinking of how I could get out of doing it. My "go to" excuse always being the baby, I'd make up something about having to deal with the baby and not havking time for the task. I honestly thought of everything.
Master had a lot on His plate. He knew the full task AND how I felt about it. It took him days to weigh them against one another and in the end He had decided what He knew to be best for me. What was best wasn't what I wanted. What was best was to obey. I cried so much when He told me. I wanted to tell Him He made the wrong decision. He was actually WRONG by doing this and to go back and think about it again. I knew it hurt Him but He had to. Its part - a bad but necessary part - of being a great Master.
So the task came to pass. I didnt, in the end, have the nerve to lie to Him about the baby (and even if I did - it wouldn't last long - the guilt would kill me). I was nervous starting and *may* have needed dutch courage but the one thought that kept me going through it is that i knew what He expected of me in vague terms and I knew how to fill in the rest. It was my duty to. As His slave and in my own mind i knew nothing less was acecptable.
Master knows all. Master knows me.
That task was one of the best things i've ever done for both my personal growth and my understanding of my role for Master. And I had fun doing it. So much infact that it may even feature again in my future. And again. And again.
Master knows all. Master knows me. Its (still) down on me to believe in that deep down when my knee-jerk reaction is to question Him again but i'm getting there... I'm definately getting there...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
100 Facts About Me
(Note: Writing and posting the facts below is in itself, a completed task. I will NOT expand on or answer questions on any of the facts listed....)
100 Facts About Me
1 - I was named after a European Princess because my mom thought her mother was the most beautiful women she had ever seen at the time.
2 - I was born minutes after midnight on my dads b'day and we've always shared b'day-dinners / parties.
3 - I was born at home because my parents had just moved months before and had no phone to call hospital - I had already arrived (delivered by my grandmother) before the doc
4 - I'm the 3rd of 4 kids (2 girls 2 boys)
5 - My dad still stands by the story that the doc pronounced me a baby BOY at the hospital and that he had called family to tell them, then had to call everyone back...
6 - I grew up in a 4bed detatched house and in primary school (between age 5-12) thought i was the only kid on the planet that didnt live in an estate / cul-de-sac.
7 - My birthday is in the middle of the school summer holidays. Nobody ever came to parties.
8 - I ran away once. I still walk past the green i hid in for hours and wonder "what if..."
9 - I lost my virginity at 16, on Xmas eve, in the frost, on a golf course. All true.
10 - The one I lost it to had asked em to marry him a month later and I said yes. He even got a ring and everything... He was still sleeping with his ex but after getting her best friend pregnant his parents insisted he marry her.
11 - I dodged some serious fucking bullets in my life.
12 - I'm conscious and sensitive about my weight. More then i'll ever talk about.
13 - Everything makes me cry. Everything.
14 - I over-analyse everything. And always to its "worst-case-sinario" which in turn, panicks me and makes me cry.
15 - I panic a lot.
16 - I get worked up a lot.
17 - I left school at 18 - it would have been sooner but legally my parents would have been able to prevent it.
18 - I've never been to college or Uni as a result.
19 - I've been working since.
20 - I've always wanted to be an interior designer. To this end, my parents bless them) have always talked to me about decorating their house for advice.
17 - I used to be a cutter. I still wonder why I stopped.
18 - I've never forgiven my uncle for dying before his time (no, it wasnt sucide).
19 - I've no grandparents left on Earth.
20 - I'm mother to the most beautiful, clever ball-of-pink toddler in the world.
21 - I gave birth to her completely un-medicated and within half an hour after contractions started.
22 - If you had a black and white picture of my mother, me and my girl (all at the same age) you cannot tell us apart. Seriously. Its a running joke in the family.
23 - I was born into a Christian faith that has been diluted through my familys generations.
24 - I attended Catholic primary school (between 5 - 12 yrs) and convent secondary school (between 13 - 18 yrs)
25 - I got my first job at 15 (the legal age was 16)
26 - I lied about my age to get the job.
27 - Even though I had already left school, I had gone to my Ball that summer because I had already spent on the tickets and hotel.
28 - I fucked my at-the-time b'friend in the hotel grounds at that same ball and everyone there saw it. (*LIKE* they were going to expel me from the school!!)
29 - I'm scared of meeting new people because it'll always be in my head that they'll hurt me. Somehow.
30 - I talk to cover my nerves and I make people laugh to hide how scared I am.
31 - I will only ever drink diet coke and vodka while out.
32 - If given the choice, I dont masturbate.
33 - I'm uncomfortable talking about myself and will ALWAYS chenge the subject in conversation.
34 - I've lost touch with all but two of my school friends through life getting in the way
25 - I rarely even talk to them, but I can pick up the same conversation as though we've never stopped talking.
26 - I didnt tell my parents I was pregnant till I was 6 mths gone.
27 - I broke up with my babys father the day I found out I was pregnant and I still stand by that decision.
28 - I am a terrible liar. Not because I cannot do it properly but because I feel so guilty I end up confessing....
29 - I hate my feet.
30 - Come near my feet and i'll punt you across the room - no disrespect intended.
31 - Travelling long distances - especially flying - scares me massivly.
32 - Being on my own scares me.
33 - Running out of mundane facts about myself scares me - I dont want to dig too deep.
34 - Even if you dont, I'll always feel you could, hurt me knowing me.
35 - I've two silver bands on my engagement finger and I wont tell you why.
36 - I have my nose and labia pierced but they're not joined together.
37 - I used to have my bellybutton pierced.
38 - When I was (I think) 7 years old I fell down a hill onto my face. I broke my tooth and have a cap since.
39 - I've broken most my bones, including both wrists (both at same time and both twice)
40 - At my worst, I broke my tailbone, my nose and gotten 8 stitches in my leg...within a week
41 - Anything I've broken was by accident and was my own fault through clumsiness.
42 - I'm not as clumsey any more.
43 - My hands area always cold from poor circulation / messed up nerves (see breaks above)
44 - I am not beyond fighting and always moreso for friends / family before myself.
45 - I'm nto beyond dying for them moreso then myself.
46 - Spiders scare the holy bee-jesus out of me.
47 - I wont sleep tonight now that i'm thinking about spiders.
48 - First pet I ever had was a sucker fish. It died a couple of weeks before my dad told me...
49 - I've had two dogs in my life, he first for a week before it caught flu and died, the second for 12yrs.
50 - Death of second dog hit me just as hard as my uncles death.
51 - Worst lie i've ever told was about the baby.
52 - Worst food I've ever eaten was sea-food pizza.
53 - God I hate sea-food.
54 - I also hate eggs. For real.
55 - No matter what I do I *always* think how somebody else will view it or me afterwards.
56 - Ohh I also hate horror films and believe they actually WILL happen.
57 - ...to this end I WILL NEVER WATCH Paranormal Activity....or anything Stephen Kingey
58 - I have kissed a girl.
59 - I have not slept with her.
60 - I colour my hair. Usually black.
61 - I have night-blindness.]
62 - I'm scared of the dark (see above)
63 - I'm closer to some internet friends then I am to my family.
64 - Some of the above know me better then family.
65 - I've travelled to more countries abroad then I have counties in my own country.
66 - I dont know how many b'friends I've had in the past.
67 - I sure as hell dont know how many times i've had sex with them
68 - I still honestly believe crying makes me weak because i've been told it does
69 - I honestly believe that "being myself" isnt a fraction as important as being who anyone wants me to be.
70 - My biggest pet peeve is being asked a question and having the answer talked over / ignored.
71 - My second biggest pet peeve is anyone who can know theyre ill and not do anything to cure / help / fix it.
72 - I'm deathly afraid of masks (others wearing them, not me)
73 - Same with costume make-up
74 - If i could re-do any part of my life I probably wouldnt but I definately would be more cautious of the poisonous and bad men I had let into my life.
75 - My favourite nationalitles for food are: Indian, Itallian, Chinese and English and in that order.
76 - I'm too afraid of falling to walk on ice. So I dont. Ever.
77 - I rely on my mother to keep me sane when I cant cope with my baby.
78 - I often cant cope now that she's turning 2.
79 - I still believe not coping means I'm just not good enough.
80 - I will always believe that good things happen to other people.
81 - I will always believe that getting excited about or looking forward to something will ALWAYS stop it from happening for me. Always.
82 - I love vodka like most love breathing.
83 - Sexual attention from anybody will leave me obsessing about them for weeks.
84 - The best relationship I've ever had was long distance and still is.
85 - I'm overly obsessive about everything when it comes to other people and my envolvment and almost not at all with anything for myself.
86 - To this end, if its not 'perfect' its not good enough and neither am I
87 - If I could do anything with no repercussions it would be to rob a bank for financial security for me and my daughter.
88 - Waiting on other peoples approval, regardless of how long, will eventually kill me with worry, stress and / or anxiety.
89 - I'm so rarely sick (physically throwing up) that when I am I panic and cry.
90 - I've had a near-death, floating-above-my-own-body experience and was pulled back from it.
91 - I still wonder why I was pulled back from it.
92 - I've been told I apologise too much so I'm trying to control it more.
93 - I've always known this but never once felt it was "too much"
94 - I miss sleeping in.
95 - I miss most from a relationship, waking up being held.
96 - All I've ever wanted is to be looked after.
97 - I will literally, spiritually, financially and physically bend over backwards to prove i'm worthy.
98 - The only way I know how to prove I'm worthy is to obey.
99 - Worthy = Loveable
100 - I'm still mentally kicking myself for these facts not being in the right order :-P
100 Facts About Me
1 - I was named after a European Princess because my mom thought her mother was the most beautiful women she had ever seen at the time.
2 - I was born minutes after midnight on my dads b'day and we've always shared b'day-dinners / parties.
3 - I was born at home because my parents had just moved months before and had no phone to call hospital - I had already arrived (delivered by my grandmother) before the doc
4 - I'm the 3rd of 4 kids (2 girls 2 boys)
5 - My dad still stands by the story that the doc pronounced me a baby BOY at the hospital and that he had called family to tell them, then had to call everyone back...
6 - I grew up in a 4bed detatched house and in primary school (between age 5-12) thought i was the only kid on the planet that didnt live in an estate / cul-de-sac.
7 - My birthday is in the middle of the school summer holidays. Nobody ever came to parties.
8 - I ran away once. I still walk past the green i hid in for hours and wonder "what if..."
9 - I lost my virginity at 16, on Xmas eve, in the frost, on a golf course. All true.
10 - The one I lost it to had asked em to marry him a month later and I said yes. He even got a ring and everything... He was still sleeping with his ex but after getting her best friend pregnant his parents insisted he marry her.
11 - I dodged some serious fucking bullets in my life.
12 - I'm conscious and sensitive about my weight. More then i'll ever talk about.
13 - Everything makes me cry. Everything.
14 - I over-analyse everything. And always to its "worst-case-sinario" which in turn, panicks me and makes me cry.
15 - I panic a lot.
16 - I get worked up a lot.
17 - I left school at 18 - it would have been sooner but legally my parents would have been able to prevent it.
18 - I've never been to college or Uni as a result.
19 - I've been working since.
20 - I've always wanted to be an interior designer. To this end, my parents bless them) have always talked to me about decorating their house for advice.
17 - I used to be a cutter. I still wonder why I stopped.
18 - I've never forgiven my uncle for dying before his time (no, it wasnt sucide).
19 - I've no grandparents left on Earth.
20 - I'm mother to the most beautiful, clever ball-of-pink toddler in the world.
21 - I gave birth to her completely un-medicated and within half an hour after contractions started.
22 - If you had a black and white picture of my mother, me and my girl (all at the same age) you cannot tell us apart. Seriously. Its a running joke in the family.
23 - I was born into a Christian faith that has been diluted through my familys generations.
24 - I attended Catholic primary school (between 5 - 12 yrs) and convent secondary school (between 13 - 18 yrs)
25 - I got my first job at 15 (the legal age was 16)
26 - I lied about my age to get the job.
27 - Even though I had already left school, I had gone to my Ball that summer because I had already spent on the tickets and hotel.
28 - I fucked my at-the-time b'friend in the hotel grounds at that same ball and everyone there saw it. (*LIKE* they were going to expel me from the school!!)
29 - I'm scared of meeting new people because it'll always be in my head that they'll hurt me. Somehow.
30 - I talk to cover my nerves and I make people laugh to hide how scared I am.
31 - I will only ever drink diet coke and vodka while out.
32 - If given the choice, I dont masturbate.
33 - I'm uncomfortable talking about myself and will ALWAYS chenge the subject in conversation.
34 - I've lost touch with all but two of my school friends through life getting in the way
25 - I rarely even talk to them, but I can pick up the same conversation as though we've never stopped talking.
26 - I didnt tell my parents I was pregnant till I was 6 mths gone.
27 - I broke up with my babys father the day I found out I was pregnant and I still stand by that decision.
28 - I am a terrible liar. Not because I cannot do it properly but because I feel so guilty I end up confessing....
29 - I hate my feet.
30 - Come near my feet and i'll punt you across the room - no disrespect intended.
31 - Travelling long distances - especially flying - scares me massivly.
32 - Being on my own scares me.
33 - Running out of mundane facts about myself scares me - I dont want to dig too deep.
34 - Even if you dont, I'll always feel you could, hurt me knowing me.
35 - I've two silver bands on my engagement finger and I wont tell you why.
36 - I have my nose and labia pierced but they're not joined together.
37 - I used to have my bellybutton pierced.
38 - When I was (I think) 7 years old I fell down a hill onto my face. I broke my tooth and have a cap since.
39 - I've broken most my bones, including both wrists (both at same time and both twice)
40 - At my worst, I broke my tailbone, my nose and gotten 8 stitches in my leg...within a week
41 - Anything I've broken was by accident and was my own fault through clumsiness.
42 - I'm not as clumsey any more.
43 - My hands area always cold from poor circulation / messed up nerves (see breaks above)
44 - I am not beyond fighting and always moreso for friends / family before myself.
45 - I'm nto beyond dying for them moreso then myself.
46 - Spiders scare the holy bee-jesus out of me.
47 - I wont sleep tonight now that i'm thinking about spiders.
48 - First pet I ever had was a sucker fish. It died a couple of weeks before my dad told me...
49 - I've had two dogs in my life, he first for a week before it caught flu and died, the second for 12yrs.
50 - Death of second dog hit me just as hard as my uncles death.
51 - Worst lie i've ever told was about the baby.
52 - Worst food I've ever eaten was sea-food pizza.
53 - God I hate sea-food.
54 - I also hate eggs. For real.
55 - No matter what I do I *always* think how somebody else will view it or me afterwards.
56 - Ohh I also hate horror films and believe they actually WILL happen.
57 - ...to this end I WILL NEVER WATCH Paranormal Activity....or anything Stephen Kingey
58 - I have kissed a girl.
59 - I have not slept with her.
60 - I colour my hair. Usually black.
61 - I have night-blindness.]
62 - I'm scared of the dark (see above)
63 - I'm closer to some internet friends then I am to my family.
64 - Some of the above know me better then family.
65 - I've travelled to more countries abroad then I have counties in my own country.
66 - I dont know how many b'friends I've had in the past.
67 - I sure as hell dont know how many times i've had sex with them
68 - I still honestly believe crying makes me weak because i've been told it does
69 - I honestly believe that "being myself" isnt a fraction as important as being who anyone wants me to be.
70 - My biggest pet peeve is being asked a question and having the answer talked over / ignored.
71 - My second biggest pet peeve is anyone who can know theyre ill and not do anything to cure / help / fix it.
72 - I'm deathly afraid of masks (others wearing them, not me)
73 - Same with costume make-up
74 - If i could re-do any part of my life I probably wouldnt but I definately would be more cautious of the poisonous and bad men I had let into my life.
75 - My favourite nationalitles for food are: Indian, Itallian, Chinese and English and in that order.
76 - I'm too afraid of falling to walk on ice. So I dont. Ever.
77 - I rely on my mother to keep me sane when I cant cope with my baby.
78 - I often cant cope now that she's turning 2.
79 - I still believe not coping means I'm just not good enough.
80 - I will always believe that good things happen to other people.
81 - I will always believe that getting excited about or looking forward to something will ALWAYS stop it from happening for me. Always.
82 - I love vodka like most love breathing.
83 - Sexual attention from anybody will leave me obsessing about them for weeks.
84 - The best relationship I've ever had was long distance and still is.
85 - I'm overly obsessive about everything when it comes to other people and my envolvment and almost not at all with anything for myself.
86 - To this end, if its not 'perfect' its not good enough and neither am I
87 - If I could do anything with no repercussions it would be to rob a bank for financial security for me and my daughter.
88 - Waiting on other peoples approval, regardless of how long, will eventually kill me with worry, stress and / or anxiety.
89 - I'm so rarely sick (physically throwing up) that when I am I panic and cry.
90 - I've had a near-death, floating-above-my-own-body experience and was pulled back from it.
91 - I still wonder why I was pulled back from it.
92 - I've been told I apologise too much so I'm trying to control it more.
93 - I've always known this but never once felt it was "too much"
94 - I miss sleeping in.
95 - I miss most from a relationship, waking up being held.
96 - All I've ever wanted is to be looked after.
97 - I will literally, spiritually, financially and physically bend over backwards to prove i'm worthy.
98 - The only way I know how to prove I'm worthy is to obey.
99 - Worthy = Loveable
100 - I'm still mentally kicking myself for these facts not being in the right order :-P
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